Nothing Will Ever Be The Same
by LordeAussie
Summary: Well, Eli and Clare broke up and Clare might go through a little Dacry stage and will get help from Peter. A New girl jess might have a liking to Mr. Goldswothy.  Elcare is going on but not the way you think, Read it and you'll be happy :D
1. Scared and Stupid

**Nothing Will Ever Be The Same**

Clare's POV

Wow. That's all I got to say. I, Clare Edward will be going back to school tomorrow at Degrassi. I still remember the words Mr. Simpson said to us, after Vegas night.

"_When you come back from brake, you won't __recognize__ this school__ at all"_

I'm scared of what that might be. After I saw the uniforms and the I.D. we can have to carry around, I think Mr. Simpson was right. I don't know how school's gonna be. One this for sure is I don't wanna see Eli after we broke up…

Eli's POV

Clare Edwards. School is gonna be hell. After Vegas night, I ask her if she wanted a ride.

_"Sorry, no Eli my mom is going to pick me up"_

_"I'll call you when I'm home?" More like a question then saying it._

_"Eli I was really sacred with the knife and you almost dying, you didn't listen to me. I'm Sorry but were over." As those words came out of here mouth, there was a tear in her eye. What the hell did I do? I, Eli Goldsworthy have a LOT of problems._

I do have a lot of problems. I let my pass get the better of me and didn't listen to Clare. It ended up me almost getting killed. I just like her too much. She… just gets me like no one ever before. I hope I get to her again…


	2. Flashbacks and Knifes

Clare's POV

I woke up this morning to the smell of bacon and eggs. Went to the bathroom took a quick shower and brush my teeth. I hated these new uniforms. No freedom at all. I put on my student ID and ran down stairs.

"Hungry much Clare?" my mom asked. It's a good thing Eli helped me with making my parents talk to get other… Great Eli, have to stop thinking about him. Anyways my parents worked out their troubles. My dad was just really stressed at work and didn't get much sleep.

"Yes mom"

"Good"

"Hey mom you mind if you leave me at The Dot today?"

"Sure honey, but why?" She had a small sad look on her face.

"It's just that, with the school changes I just want something to feel the same, you know?" It's true, at The Dot was the only we have freedom left that was kind of close to school, even though it's not school, every one hangs out there.

"Oh. Not happy about the new uniforms?"

"Yes mom" I answered, going back to eating.

Eli's POV

"ELIJAH GOLDSWORTHY!"

"AHHHHHH" what hell woke me up?

"Good your awake now get dress and come down stairs" it' was my mom. I hate it when she does this.

"Mom, did you have to wake me up like that?"

"Yes because poking you didn't help, you kept moving" Okay?

I got up and went to the bathroom. Today, I'm going to see Clare Edwards. I hope she wants to see me.

I got in my uniform. This is hell. This is not me. I might be the "Goth" boy but now I feel like everyone else. If only I listen to Clare about Fitz I wouldn't be here. The school wouldn't need the uniforms and the student IDs. I got a somewhat feeling Clare Edwards well be holding this against me forever.

_"Come on, Eli, he has a knife" I know he won't use it. Fitz is too dumb to be playing with that._

_"I can't be scared of him Clare" I never can._

_"He's got a knife, this is where we go" blue eyes. Maybe… No, Eli, don't be scared of him._

_"Hey emo boy, no smart ass comments?" Clare was right; I should of left._

_"I'm sorry, Fitz" I'm truly am. I have gone to far._

I went down stairs to get that scene out of my head. i have gone to far

* * *

Clare's POV

"Thanks mom" I got out of the car and went into The Dot.

"What the hell?" It was Peter. He was looking at my uniform. He, himself went to Degrassi last year but last year there wasn't any uniforms.

"Long Story, Peter. I just want some coffee."

"I have time and school doesn't start until an hour or so. I really wanna now what you guys did to get uniforms and IDs. "Peter said handing me my coffee. Way not tell him when everybody I know already knows.

"CLARE, CLARE!" that was Alli and Adam running my way.

"What is it you guys"

"We heard." They both said.

"HOW!" I was shocked; I can believe Eli told them.

"My mom told me about the knife and Fitz, and Eli went right to Morty and I he doesn't pick up his calls or answers he's text" Adam tells me.

"Oh."

"Yeah Clare so far the only people who know are me, Adam, Drew, there bitch of a mom, Mr. Simpson, Eli, Fitz And Jenna. You have to tell us everything" Alli said.

"Hey, mom is not that much of a bitch" SO not true.

"Whatever, she called me a whore and I defined that as a bitch" very true

"Look guys I don't want to talk about it and don't tell anyone else" I ran way. This is too much. It's almost like the time when Darcy got raped. It was very hard on her. I was there for her but now I need to be alone. I now knew how she felt.

"Look this is what happened" I decided to tell Peter because he was there for me and my sister me when she was going throw a hard time.

Eli's POV

I parked outside of The Dot. I'm sitting here at Morty thinking if I should ditch or not. I turn to my left and see Clare inside. I think this is the best time to talk to her…

"Open up Eli" Damn it.

"Hey Adam, what up?"

"Nothing, really, my mom started to bitch about Drew and Alli. But I wanna know if there anything I can help with the whole, you know, Fitz and Clare thing" Adam always there when you need him. Just like Clare.

"I don't know, I think Clare hates me, maybe you can talk to her" I hope he does. She might talk to him than me.

"Fine, dude but you owe me; now get out of this damn car"


	3. Eli and Hate

Clare's POV

"Wow" That's all Peter said.

"Yeah"

"Mr. Simpson is so stupid" What?

"What?" speaking my mind

"I should tell you a story about Rick Murray"

"Who is….?" Giving him a confused faced. He cut me off.

"There was this school shooting at Degrassi back in 2004" Wow.

"Really? That's scarier than having a knife in school"

"Yea and you know what's more scary, 3 people shot and one died" my jaw dropped.

"What do you mean, 3 shot, one dead?" I took at my notebook, I think I need the information.

Eli's POV

"At lunch, can you talk to her and tell me what she thinks about me and make sure it's lunch?" asking Adam to do a favor for me

"Sure do but I don't know why you go to The Dot and talk to her yourself?"

"Because she might run away from me but not you" it's true I've seen in movies, one of the other wants to talk and then the other one just takes off and talks to the best friend.

"Fine whatever dude, but just so you know you're putting me in the 'between' again" I roll my eyes at him, shutting my locker.

I was heading into homeroom when I bumped into a big brown eyed girl, she feel on the fall with her books everywhere. Adam and I got on the floor to help her.

"Umm… thanks you guys" she was blushing.

"No problem. My name is Adam and this is Eli" The girl looked at Adam and then me, when she looked at me she blushed. I could have cared less.

"I'm Jess. It's my first day here a Degrassi." I gave her a fake smile.

"Welcome to hell, Jess" and with that I walk away into homeroom not looking back once.

Jess's POV

"What just happened?" This Eli kid helped me with my books and said welcome to hell?

"That's Eli, he said that because this school is hell and it wasn't like this before. And a little tip, you don't want Eli Goldsworthy to have you on his bad side" Adam said and with that leaving me wanting to know more about Eli Goldsworthy.

Clare's POV

"That's almost the same thing that happened between me and Eli. I'm Emma, Eli's Sean and Fitz is Rick." I never knew this at all. Peter was right. Mr. Simpson is stupid, you have the school shooting and they didn't what they're doing now before.

"Um… Clare why do you have a notebook?"

"I'm going to use what you told me against the school for more freedom." Peter looked at me like I gone crazy. This was awkward; I looked at my watch seeing I only five minutes to go to homeroom I took off.

"See you later peter, got to go"

"Sure, bye Clare" and he went back to cleaning the tables.

* * *

I walked into English Class seeing Eli for the first time today. I felt sick. I still remember the feeling of how he almost died and how my sister wanted to die and how I told myself I can never like someone so much that I can get that sick feeling back if it happens again.

_I looked in to the hospital bed and saw Darcy there. I don't know what happened to her. Why would she take her own life? I know everyone loves her. Mom, dad, her friends and even me. I couldn't take this. I walked out of the room to hear Peter and Manny talking._

_"We have to tell her parents Manny!" Peter said with a worried face._

_"No Peter, she has to do it when she's good and ready"_

_"Yea and that's when? She cut herself Manny. She hated herself to much. I think her parents have the right to know she was raped"_

_WAIT! Darcy was raped? No it can't be, this isn't happened. The room was moving and I was feeling dizzy. I can't stand and my head doesn't feel right…_

_"OMIGOSH CLARE!"_

I remember that's when I fainted. No Clare that's the past and this is now. I took my set in front of the goth boy.

He turn around, damn it. "Clare…"

"Eli" trying to acted if I didn't care.

"Look Clare I'm really…."

"Head up front Mr. Goldsworthy." Thank you Ms. Dawes.

"Already have half of the school year passed by so everyone is getting new English partner. Look up one the board to see who it is, then switch sets" I look up at and see I'm with Adam and Eli's with Jess. I got up and walk to Adam, I see Eli's face all sad and what not.

Eli's POV

Damn it, I'm not with Clare. "I'm Jess and you're….. The guy who welcomed me to hell." I rolled my eyes. "What the hell did I do to you? You sir are rude"

"Why yes I am," I gave her a fake smirk knowing that she already hates me.

_I gave her a smirk. Knowing well it will piss her off. She didn't she blushed. Somehow I got a feeling this girl knows me. Like watching a movie trailer and already knowing the movie. This girl, Clare Edwards is different from everyone else, even Julia._

"Ha-ha, wiped that smile of your face, menie" she joked around. She sat down next to me and I can feel so much preppy in the air I thought I tasted it. I hated it.

Jess's POV

I think he likes me. He's flirting with me. He even gave me a simile. Now I know that Eli Goldsworthy is going to be my next boyfriend and I do wanna learn more about him. But really, I think there's nothing to know because he's so open. Now to make him join the football team…

* * *

Authors Note: Thank you for the review tomfeltonlover1991 they make me want to write more knowing someone is reading this story


	4. Vomiting and Cuts

Eli's POV

"You will have to right something that gets you mad. Bring out all the rage in your body into this essay. It will be due in 2 weeks and make them good" Ms. Dawes said, just as the bell rang. Lunch time, yes.

"I'll see you at lunch?" Jess said, I almost bumped into her again, damn it.

"Yea yea, sure, whatever" I ran passed her and waited five seconds and then I grabbed her.

I took her by surprise. "Look Clare, I'm so sorry. I mean it. What happened in Vegas night shouldn't happened. I didn't listen to you, I let the pride over take me." *

Clare's POV

_He grabbed my arm. My hatred grows more and more as the seconds going longer. "Look Clare I'm sorry. About everything that happened. It's better if we're not together. I tried not to like her but I couldn't help myself, then I talk to the coach. Clare just remember, all we do is make each other mad. This was the best for us. Just… forgive me, please." Forgive him? Leaving me for someone more… Preppy!_

_The hate just grew more and more. I slapped him right there and then. "Don't you ever talk to me KC Guthrie. I. Hate. You."_

_He was shocked, I could have care less._

That was the last time we ever talked. But Eli isn't KC. He's better.

But this moment was too much for me. I could see plead in his eyes. He was really sorry. I, I, need help. I could feel tears in my eyes.

"Eli" my voice breaking. "You scared me to death. I can't have that happening to me a 3rd time." A tear falling out of my eye. "I need time".

I ran to the bathroom, in the lunch room knowing there cops everywhere BUT the bathrooms. I looked back, seeing him so sad and _JUST_ like Darcy. Good God, I vomited.

Eli's POV

A tear, I saw a tear. I hate myself so much for making her hurt so much. '_Happening a 3__rd__ time' _What did that mean?

"Eli, I thought you wanted me to talk to her at lunch? What happened"

"I… was jealous. You were her English partner and I had to know plus I wanted to be her English partner" it's true, I could talk to her even thought she didn't want to.

"Ok, what happened."

"She needs space" knowing she needs _space_ and _time._

"Wow. I'm sorry dude. But you said you were jealous of me being with Clare as English partners, you are scared of losing her. Just keep this in mind, Clare has never been through this before, she might be still in shock."

Yes she's still in shock. But I think she did, been though this before. Adam pushed me to the lunch room.

Jess's POV

After I walked out English, I bumped into Jenna. I met her before, in gym class.

"Hey Jenna, what's up."

"Really nothing, but started to crave a lot more." She has a baby on the way. I can't believe that one day she didn't take her pill, it happened.

"Yeah… um… anyways, guess who my English partner is."

"Someone?"

"It's Eli Goldsworthy. I flirted with him and I knew he flirted back."

"Eli Goldsworthy? Goth boy?"

"He's not Goth, he's different and I'm pretty sure he likes me, plus he's so open"

"Um… Jess, Eli is…." She took a long pause "Not so… you know.. Good for you and he's not very open" yea right.

"Whatever"

We got our lunch and walked to an empty table. At the doorway I saw a small guy with a Bennie and a tall dark handsome, hottie. It was Eli, without a doubt.

"Hey Eli, Adam, over here" waving my hand to them. Adam was talking to Eli, then they came walking to us.

"Hey Jess" Adam said. Adam was the kind of guy I would date but there's something off about him, which I didn't know.

"So, what are you guys going to write about for English?" Talking to Eli, knowing I really didn't care about it, I just really wanted to talk to him.

"Bullies" Both Adam and Eli got tense when he said it. That was wired.

"Um… Okay. Well I don't know what to write about. Can you help me?" Flirt, that's good Jess, keep doing it.

"Well I really don't know, how about something that pissed you off" damn. I'm so Stupid.

A girl went over to Eli and whispered something in his ear. Adam shocked and Eli turn around and ran and then stopped.

Clare's POV

This girl found me vomiting and she asked if I needed help, I told her to go get Alli. She did and Alli told her to tell Eli. I told her no but she ran to him before I can talk.

"What happened?" asked a cop.

"I felt sick and I vomited"

"Come with me"

I came with her. She bought me to Mr. Simpson's office and they called home.

"Just, stay here and go to sleep, honey" My mom thinks I got sick, but the truth is that, talking to Eli made me sick because it reminded of Darcy. I thought I was done with it.

Eli's POV

I was shocked at what Alli told me. Clare threw up, I know it was because of me. I make her life hell, and she, not in my life, makes my life hell. I went to my bathroom and got my razor. I rolled up my sleeve. As the razor cut throw my skin the blood came out slowing. The pain, was so horrible but not having Clare in my life was worse. I,… I, think I love her…

* * *

**O.O ending?, i trying to write some everyday but it's hard something hope you like^^**


	5. Blood and Hurt

Eli's POV

I sat there on my bed. I saw that last drop of blood coming out of my cut. It wasn't healed but it stopped dripping.

My definition of Emo: you don't have to be bi-sexual or anything, you just have to be hurt a lot.

That me, Eli Goldsworthy. I have been hurt a lot. I did cut before but I stopped know it hurt too much.

_I got the razor from my dad's bathroom. Everyone is blaming me for Julia's death. They don't even want to hear my story._

_I remember the last words she said to me. "I HATE YOU ELI" and she went off in the night crying._

_I couldn't handle the hate. My friends were trying to help but nothing did help. I took the razor closer to my skin. I could feel the sharp edge on my skin, the pressure going harder and harder. I saw a drop of blood and I let the razor fall to the floor. I can't do this. What's wrong with me? Julia wouldn't want this. She would want me to be happy. I got a band-aid from the cabinet. I will never do this again._

That was a lie I did do it again. But it was different, Clare was alive and well. I'm the one who's bad for her. I make her sick. She doesn't hate me, she needs time to cope. Some reason I feel she gets me, Julia never did. I got Clare mad at me a lot of times mostly before I told her about Julia. Then I scared her with fighting Fitz. That was worst thing that happened in life next to Julia dying.

I went over my bed and turn on the radio. The lyrics to the chorus shocked me.

"_See I've been,  
looking up looking down looking side to side,  
Wonderin why this world is the way it is and why my mama cries"_

It's like who ever sang this song knows me. I always told myself that music is the cure of life and it is this song proves my point. I am wondering why the world is this way but no one in my family cries. It's a Goldsworthy thing. But I feel the whole world hates me.

"_Every night I'm trying to rest my head on the floor, half stoned thinking Damn this shit gets old"_

Wow this song speaks the truth. Right now I'm on my bed. Trying to fall asleep, you can say I'm stoned. But more sleepy.

Clare's POV

"Honey wake up"

"Hmmm"

"Clare, I called the school, you're not going today"

"Okay, mom, you can go to work, I'm fine."

"Okay, call me if you need me." My mom left the room.

I felt water on my face. I touched and it turned out I had dried up tears. This was the first time, I had _that _dream.

"_Fitz please don't this" why would he do this, Eli wasn't that much of an ass._

"_Shut up, BITCH!" O.O he called me a bitch._

"_Get away from me" Eli's voice is breaking. My back hit the lockers. I can feel a tear on my eye. He's scared, pleading for his life... That's when he stabbed him. I felt chills you up my back to my neck. He fell to the floor, blood coming out of him. I ran to him. I can feel the hot, warm liquid on my hands. I broke down._

I started to cry again. Darcy always said tears are 99% feelings and 1% water. I always felt scared. This was the first time I dream that Eli died. Before, I always woke up before he got stabbed. This was the first.

Went over to my nightstand and got my phone. I looked though my contacts and found Adam's name. "_Adam, check on Eli, please, but don't tell him, I told you." _Adam was always there to make sure Eli was ok because I was always scared if he's not. After what happened. I could never do it face to face, just too scared.

Adam texted me back, "kk"

Eli's POV

I bought some new soundless headphones. I needed new ones after I gave mine to Clare, if I didn't get one soon, I might go very crazy. If felt good not to hear anything it, reminded me that I have no problems.

I came out of The Dot holding my coffee. There was a nice breeze outside. The cool wind against my face made it better.

"OWW. FUCK" I felt something punch all the air out of me. I looked up and I didn't see _him _but what I saw was a football.

"O mi gosh, I'm so sorry, Drew why you threw it that hard!" Good god, it was Jess and… Drew?

"I'm sorry dude, didn't know how hard my arm was" Drew said it with a laugh, stupid jock.

"Ok. What is this Emo hate 101? Really why did you guys throw a football at me?" Emo. That's me. Before it was goth but now emo.

"I was calling your name. You couldn't hear, so I asked Drew to throw a football at you. Maybe now you can listen to me." Really? What's wrong with this girl? And she wanted a person to though a football at me and out everybody, Drew, the person who cheated on his girlfriend which was _Clare's_ best friend.

"So you thought that having a person throw a football at me would be good? You could have gone up to me and out of everybody, you pick Drew? Wow." Yeah I hate drew. "So, what do you want?"

Jess's POV

"I wanted to say, hi" I blushed. He's just soo, Eli

"Hi? Really, Wow"

"You're not mad, right?" I so hope he isn't, I couldn't live with myself if he was.

"Will, Yeah, you hurt me." Damn it.

"I'm sorry" I gave him puppy eyes. "Hey look what I found." I gave him a football try out flyer. "I think you should try out, you know school spirit"

Eli's POV

Is this girl, kidding me? Football, I hate football. 1. To preppy, it's not my style, 2. Drew's on it and I heard bad things about KC.

"No thanks, not my style"

"Oh, you have style?"

"Yeah and next time Drew, you hit me with a…" I stopped mid-sentence. Thinking how last time ended, I don't want the happening again. "Never mind" I turn around and found Adam in front of me.

"Hey Eli"

"Hi"

"So, I was wondering are you doing ok." He's talking about the _Fitz _thing_. _The cut I had on my arm is boiling. I brought my arm to hold it, hard.

"Fine." Lie. And I left.

"_See I've been  
looking up looking down looking side to side  
Wonderin why this world is the way it is and why my mama cries  
Every night I'm trying to rest my head on the floor, half stoned thinking damn this shit gets old"_

That song, I have to find out what's it's called and by who?

* * *

OOOOOOOOOO songgg, whoever guesses, gets shout out?

*EliGasm* http :/www. facebook. com /?ref=logo#!/pages/EliGasm/151008451576490?ref=sgm - no spaces

Plus i'm going on vacation on saturday for a week so no update untill then, sorry (who goes on vacation a week before school) *rasies hand *


	6. Part 1

Adam's POV

This was the first time, in 2 weeks Clare asked me, to ask Eli if he was fine.

"_Clare! Open up! Me and Adam are not leaving until you open up" That's Alli for you._

"_What do you, guys want?" you can tell she was crying. She had bloodshot eyes and dried tired on her face._

"_We are your best friends Clare. We know something is wrong, look at yourself, you're crying. I'm not leaving until you feel better" Alli's pushing her. Alli's a pusher, that how she got Drew to fall for her. But Alli might make this go far._

"_I just hurt myself really hard." Alli gave her a 'yea right' look. "Alli you cried when you ran out of nail polish and I can cry if I stubbed my toe." Clare was lying but knowing Alli she'll believe this._

"_Fine Clare but if you wanna talk you, have my number" With that, Alli left. I haven't even said anything. I wanted to open my mouth to say something but they she grabbed my and whispered in my ear…_

"_Look Adam, I still a little shocked with the thing with Fitz but my mom's helping, so can you check on Eli but don't tell him I told you." This made me happy. Knowing Clare still liked Eli and she's getting help._

_With a smile on my face I said "Yes" and I left._

But now I'm not that much happy. I haven't seen Clare after talking to the cop and no one will tell me what happened. I'm just too scared at what people will say, not being a girl at all, _will in the mind,_ I'm not used to it. Mostly, the _please_ she wrote scared me.

"Hey, Eli, I see you got some new pars of headphones"

"Yea but these aren't sound proof, I broke my other one" That's Eli, thinking about music.

"Really? Wow, anyways so, are doing well?"

"Yup, everything's good"

Eli's POV

I was walking down the hallway going to English class, and then I bumped into her, _again. _It's like every time, whenever I go, she's always there.

"Sorry" I said, trying to leave as fast as possible.

"It's okay. Check this out, power squad was spirit squad, funny, eh?" (Author's note: I live in the USA, but I felt using, EH, was a good thing, lol) Not very funny. "Anyways, I was looking at the past team captains and then I saw this last name was crossed out. Check it out" I look closer, seeing that name was Darcy but her last name was crossed out. Wired. Even weirder, she looked like someone I know.

"Darcy? She looks like someone I know" spoke my mind.

"She looks like no one I know."

"Okay, what was your point for me to look at this?"

"Well I was thinking, maybe you know," she took a deep breath. "How would you feel if I tried out for the Power Squad?" Perfect for her, she's so preppy, but if… _Clare…_ tried out I'm might go crazy…err.

"Umm… It'll perfect for you, you're… Preppy" Letting that last word come out of my mouth slowly.

"REALLY? Cool, thanks," then she hugged me, wired. She ran into English.

"What the hell happened?" Adam came to me confused.

"I don't know"

"She hugged you, so you got to know" Pusher.

"She ask for my opinion to join the Power squad and I said that will be cool, because she's preppy and all, then she hugged me" I walked in to English not wanting to talk about this.

I looked around, looking for Clare but she's not there. I made her not want to come. I made Clare's life hell. I don't even know who I am any more. I wish I can go home. Or at least my car knowing I have the razor in there….

* * *

Check next chapter if you want more LALALALALALALALA :D


	7. Part 2

Clare's POV

I just sat there. Doing nothing the whole day. I can't believe, this happened again.

_I feel all the eyes staring at me. I don't know if they all know about Darcy. Or is everyone thinking I'm wired because my "so called" Perfect sister cut herself. I just don't feel right; I need something to save me now. *ring*ring* that was the bell. I ran out the room as fast as I can. I ended up outside, I could see my mom's car. "I want to see Darcy today."_

"I want to see Darcy today." I really do. My room was so quite, that my voice echoed. I went over to my desk to get my laptop. I opened up hotmail and click on _her_ e-mail address.

"Dear, Darcy,

How's everything going? Here at home everything is so great, but I miss you so much! When you coming back or did you forget about your sister? Right back soon!

Love, your fav sis,

Clare"

Send. I pressed it. I did miss her. But I feel a little guilty in writing that letter. Everything at home was great but not what happens in my room. It's like my own little cave I have in here. I got to use the bathroom.

I went to the bathroom and saw my dad's shaving razor. I looked at it if it was a gun. I hold that razor for a long time; you could say it was forever.

After about 5 minutes I drop it. I felt it burn in my hand. This razor is the same as a knife. Knifes ruins everything. They messed up my sister after the rape and made… _Fitz want to "teach"… Eli a lesson. _I broke down then and there. Having Eli leave my life would be so bad, but not having him now was worse. I have to do it; my pride has to do it too. I can't let him hurt me anymore.

I went back to bed. I cried myself back to sleep.

Eli's POV

"Hey Eli I need a little help here." It was Abby. She was carrying big loads of books. "I will give you $5 to help me"

"Deal." Free money was free money.

I walked over to her to help with the books. She was listening to her IPod. It must be blast because I can hear the lyrics.

_"__See I've been  
looking up looking down looking side to side  
Wonderin why this world is the way it is and why my mama cries  
Every night I'm trying to rest my head on the floor, half stoned thinking damn this shit gets old"_

I froze; I think I found my song.

"Thanks Eli. Here's the money."

"No you can keep, just tell me the name of the song" She put the money back in her book bag.

"It's 'This Shit Getz Old by NeverShoutNever!" Once I heard those words I was so happy. I have finally found the song.

"Thanks Abby!" I gave her a pat on the back and ran to lunch; I haven't felt this happy, _since before_.*****************

I sat down next to Adam and had my headphones on. I was eating my lunch until _she_ came. Doesn't she have a life or something? Her mouth started to move but I couldn't hear a thing. I looked back down to my food and smiled to myself.

Adam pulled of my headphones to let me listen to the last words she said, "Really, Eli! Thanks meet me there at 3:30" and then she left.

"What did I say?" confessed at what she said.

"Well, first you lied to me about the headphones" Adam raised an eyebrow. "Anyways, she said something about Power Squad tryouts and they she asked you to be there for her and you looked down on your food probably smiling at yourself and she took that as a yes."

I'm shocked at what he said. Looking at Adam, he was looking at my face and trying to think of something.

"Look Adam I'm not going, I hate school so I'm gonna do nothing to be a part of this." It's true but I left out the part that I think Jess is going a little crazy.

"Um… Eli you can go with me. Drew is having practice and I kind of have a crush on Jess plus no one is there to drive me home." Of course Adam has a crush on jess.

"I can drive you home? Or we can hang out at the dot"

"Yea but I was the '3rd wheel' and the 'in-between' so I'm bring your ass there" Adam smacked me in the back out the head and left yelling "You owe me!"

I wish he never brought up the 3rd wheel, I really need school to be over

I told Adam I meet him there at 3:30 and if I'm not there, next time, he can kick my ass.

I sat there in my hand, a razor. This is just like a knife, a knife that could have killed me.

"_Please don't do this." I understated him. I thought he was he wasn't stupid enough off to do this. I was wrong. Pushed him too much. I should have left when Clare came and got me._

"_Someone has to shut you up." He pulled his arm back and went full force. I jumped back and I heard the impact but no pain. I looked to my left and saw the wall has been stabbed instead. I didn't move, Fitz spared my life. I felt dizzy. Lost all feeling._

How easy it would have been to die and now cutting myself, ha, I'm stupid. But this is how I can live longer without Clare. If I make her life hell, my life would be hell.

I put the razor on my arm. I put the pressure on hard and harder, until I felt the pain and saw the red liquid coming out. I slide razor across my arm. Not fully. Blood. The pain I'm living leaving my body…

Clare's POV

I woke up yet to fine more tears on my face. I felt like somehow somewhere in the world, something went wrong. I cringed. I don't know what it is but I don't like it.

I went over to my nightstand looking thought stuff to keep my mind of _it. _I grabbed something and it was… I was shocked. When was the last time I went through my nightstand. What I had was in my hand… was made in a long time ago. It was pro and con list I made, if I should or shouldn't break up with KC.

_I took a pen and a piece of paper. 'KC Guthrie' under it Pros and Cons. Pro, sad, sorry for making me sing in front of the whole school. Con, made me sing front of the school, everyone laughed, Starts to flirt with Jenna, Picked up Jenna and twirl her around, just gave me a kissed on the cheek not the lips, Car washed flirted with her knowing I was there. _

_*DING, DONG* that was the door bell, I'll write the Pros and Cons later._

_I opened up the door, with KC standing there, in front of me._

After that confrontment he broke up with me. I remember crying in my bed for an hour. I thought I threw this paper way, looks like I haven't. I just don't care about this paper. He left me for Jenna and I still hate him but I can care less for him. Just hate.

Eli's POV

My arms were cover so I was safe. Adam was sitting there happy as ever. I saw Drew making a touchdown and everyone was cheering, I saw KC checking out the cheerleaders. It seemed everyone was happy but me. Another reason to cut.

I took a deep breath. Calm down Eli. I kept holding my hand to arm. Calm down.

Jess was trying out. I can see they were picking out who were going on the team. I really didn't pay attention. That has nothing to do with me. I went back at look at football practice, Drew didn't pay attention and hit KC with the football. KC got pissed with Drew and they stared to fight. Half of me was like, That was me and Fitz. I froze and then the other half was "HELL YEA" I yelled that out. Drew getting his ass kick. He should have never cheated on a girl and if it was _Clare's _BFF.

On the corner of my eye I saw Jess jump up and down. I never thought she was the kind to like fighting. Wow.

She ran up to me. "I made it! I made it! I'm on the power squad." I didn't know why she ran up to me, because I really didn't care, I just want someone's ass to get kicked.

I was about to say something until… She pressed her lips against mine. I can see Adam shocked, I can feel my brain still working, not even a second with the kiss, I back away.

"I,… I'm sorry I just thought…" I ran. I ran to my car as I can. Not looking once back to see Jess's face.

* * *

Clift hanger! im soo evil! ahahahahahahahahahaha

it took me forever to write part 1 & 2

SO foound out the song adding her to the strory was a shout out!

don't you love me!

anyways last update untill the 11th, ikr sucks

anyways again, review!


	8. Kill and Drunk

Eli's POV

What was this girl thinking? Kissing me? We didn't even hang out. We only did school work. I'm feeling sick, so sick. I kept driving down and down the street… stop. I stopped the car.

"What the Hell is wrong with you?" I almost ran over thing girl. She was wearing a purple Degrassi uniform. Great. "Didn't you see that damn stop sign? What are you trying to kill me? Are you drunk? Or what?" Drunk…. Kill. The 2 things that don't go together and that ruined my life. Julia. I can see this girl coming at me. Pissed. I sat there. Not caring what she was going to do. I just sat and sat.

But before she can get to me someone stopped her. She looked at who it was. It was a senior in blue. Another Degrassi student. She rolled her eyes and walked away.

I parked Morty. Kill… and Drunk.

"_Eli," Kelly was in front of me. Tears were coming out of her eyes. But why? "Julia….. Is dead" she broke down in front of me._

"_W-W-what?" no she can't be I saw her last night._

"_She was hit by a drunk driver. It was a hit and run. She was killed" not she can't, no she can't. "It happened last. He passed a red light. Eli… I thought Julia was with you last night?"_

_She was then… then… the school slut came on me and Julia is the jealous type, thought I was cheating on her. I told her no and the words hit me 'I HATE YOU'. "She was then… then... That slut Lola came on me and you know Julia. Well she left… crying on her bike." My heart was breaking._

"_You killed her Eli!" Kelly was breaking down. She was just like Julia. These sisters were wired. But how did I kill her?_

"_No I didn't Kelly." I can feel my eyes water but I closed them. Goldsworthys don't cry._

"_Yes you did Eli you cheated on her! With Lola. You were hanging out with her more and more after you guys had to be gym partners." Her voice kept breaking word after word. She was making a scene._

_I didn't cheat on Julia, at all. I'm not that kind of guy. I lowered my voice "no" *breathe* "I didn't, Kelly" she didn't want to listen to me._

"_YOU KILLED HER ELI!" She broke down on the grown. People were pushing me and I was getting yelled at. Even my friends yelled at me._

I never could have changed their minds. I know I didn't kill Julia… right? But I could have killed. I'm becoming a monster. I drove home.

Jess's POV

He left. I thought he like me. He yelled out of happiness when I got the part. He was being so nice. What's wrong with him?

"Wow. Um… Jess I'm sorry about Eli. He's… Eli." I forgot about Adam. "But I'm happy for you but Eli's just being a dick. Then again, you should stay away from him for a long time. I mean it."

"Wow, Adam. I just-" he cut me off by putting a hand over my mouth.

"Just do what I say" he left.

I have to talk to Eli tomorrow. I felt water on my cheek.

* * *

I know it's short but i didn't have time to right a long one. School starts Monday for me and i'm havbing writers block. so can you guys help me with it? right a review and tell me

P.S. i won't write another chapter if i don't have more then 16 reviews not 16 but more

Plus...

Grade 9 (freashman) - yellow

Grade 10 (sophomore) - Purple

Grade 11 (junior) - red

Grade 14 (senoir) - blue


	9. Jealous

Clare's POV

My mom drove to school today. While she wasn't looking I ran to The Dot. It felt like a second home to me. It felt nice.

Darcy never e-mailed me back. I don't know why but she always does e-mail me back. But I don't know if she's still mad when I yelled at her.

"_Darcy! What's wrong with you? Going to Kenya, leaving your problems behind?" Darcy is going to Kenya. She just broke and wants to leave._

"_Clare it's my problem and if I go to Kenya, I think it the best." Ever since she was raped she was different. But she could get help and she can do better than this._

"_Well I don't think this is the best. You're leaving everyone. You changed Darcy. And you're also leaving Peter behind." Peter her boyfriend. He's my only hope now. He can talk Darcy out if it._

"_Well… you know, he might not be-." I cut her off._

"_WHAT THE HELL? YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM?" I had to yell that out. My hope of Peter was gone. Great. Darcy just runs away from her problems._

"_Clare, stop yelling. I'll tell Peter when I'm ready. But it's my choice because… after the rape, I remember what happened with that Adam guy. It's not safe here, or at Degrassi." Safe? It's safe here and she knows it. She did the wrong things and I will always be there for her, but I think she can't put that through her mind. "Clare I already told mom and dad and I told them it's not safe here either, I asked them for you to come. There still thinking about it." Is this girl crazy? I have a boyfriend. And why did she ask mom and dad for me to go with her. _

_I closed my eyes. "No. I'm not like you Darcy. I'm not going run away from my problems." I left her room._

Back then I didn't know Darcy was going to be right. Degrassi isn't safe. Sometimes a sister knows.

I walked into The Dot and saw Peter. For some reason he had a huge smile on his face. Was it me? Or something else?

"Hey, Peter one coffee." He still had that smile.

"Here you go Edwards." He gave me my coffee.

"You look very happy today. What is it?"

"I'll tell you soon." His smile grew bigger. Ear to ear.

I drank my coffee. I didn't drink one like forever. It felt good. At the corner of my eye I saw something black. It was against the counter. That was wired.

"I didn't see you yesterday. What happened?" Was peter flirting?

"Umm… well… I got sick" lie, well half of a lie. I didn't want to go to school but now I feel I'm being like Darcy. Running away.

"Well I hope you feel better, Baby Edwards." Baby Edwards. Haven't been could that before. Only when Darcy was in school.

I felt a little awkward. I can see Peter look at his watch.

"Well it's almost 8. I think it's time for school." Peter said. He went under the counter and took something black out. It looked like…a guitar case. What was he doing with that? I guessed Peter saw the confused in my face.

"Well lest just say that I don't want to work at The Dot forever." With that he put an arm around my shoulder and said "let me walk you to school." I never felt so awkward in my life.

Eli's POV

I parked Morty near The Dot like I always do. If I parked it in school then they have to check it and I won't let that happened.

I walked out of Morty. I froze. C-C-Clare and that Dot guy? He had his arm around Clare and Clare was letting him. Did she move on? I didn't. When Jess kissed… I felt like I cheated on Clare. That's why I didn't kiss her back or anything. Because I- I –I love Clare.

I looked at my dash and saw the knife. I took it out. I put it against my skin and I swiped it a crossed so fast and hard. I yelled, only a little. I'm worthless and Clare moved on.

* * *

know it short but it's buliding up a chapter, i know i didn't update untill forever but i blame SCHOOL!


	10. Mean?

Clare's POV

When I walked into school today Peter went with me, he just showed his ID and went to Mr. Simpson's office.

"Um… Peter, what are you doing?"

"SHHHH Clare, I'll tell you soon." With that he left. For me this day just gets weirder and weirder. At the corner of my eye, I saw a dark figure froze.

Eli. I missed him. My heart raced, I felt my palms sweat. I haven't seen Eli for a long time. I want to give in and hug him, forever. But I can't. From what I learned from my family, some of us are quitters and others are winners. Darcy… quitter. Clare… will be a winner.

I turned around, he wasn't there, was I dreaming?

Eli's POV

When I walked in Degrassi, I looked at my arm; there was a blood stain on my sweater. I brought up my other arm to it. I can't have question asked about it.

Then I looked up, I froze. I saw Clare and The Dot guy. The only thing I heard from the conversation was "SHHH Clare I'll tell you soon." I think my heart dropped. Clare is dating The Dot guy. She has really moved. I need an escape. My heart's beating fast. I just needed one.

Adam.

Perfect. I went to my locker. He was there.

"Hey dude you okay? You ran out of there pretty fast yesterday." Oh Adam only if you knew.

"I'm okay; it was just a little shock. You know, like what girl will like me, and I didn't know I leaded her on." No not really.

"Yea, sure. I love to be in your spot. You had 2 girlfriends and I never had one. I got a good mine to kick your ass Goldsworthy. I will always be the 3rd wheel." Adam. Remember I had 1 that died and one that left me, who was the love of my life.

"Look Adam I have a good mine to slap you. But I'm a good friend so I won't" Adam gave me a look.

"So I'll be Forever Alone? Well… there's Clare, bye." Bitch. Not Clare, Adam. He says those things thinking I won't feel hurt but I do. I turn around. I saw Adam talking to Clare and Clare is a little different…

I'm alone and I was will always be. The first Person I loved left me and now the second one truly did. I'm sitting here with my headphones on. I have English after lunch with Clare. The bad thing I,s that I might not be with her but I can always see her from afar.

Adam is sitting next to me… "Eli we need to talk"

"_Eli we need to talk"_

Clare? My heart skipped a beat. I looked up. It wasn't Clare… it was Jess, great.

I put my iPod loud; to think about it I had the white headphones I carried around after _Clare _took mine. I just ignored her.

"Eli were talking and were going to do it now!" What the hell?

"I only talk when I want to, and right now I don't want to talk to you."

"But Eli it was just a kiss. I thought you liked me but I was wrong you just lead me on."

"_I'm sorry I lead you on"_

I froze. I lead girls on. But this was different. I don't like her. I didn't flirt with her do anything with her. "Jess. I never and I repeat never liked you. I was nice to you because you were new and I felt bad for the student body because I'm the one who made this school like this."

"Eli, how can you say this? We had something and you knew it. You're in denial." There was a tear falling out.

Oh Gosh. "I hate you, Jess"

That broke her. I can see she's pulling her had back reading to go through impact. I stopped her. I have been slap way to many times to not see this coming.

"No, no, no. Haven't anyone told you NOT to get on Eli's bad side?" my only way to get rid of her.

"How could you." She whispered. Turned around and ran away.

"Do you even have a soul?" I forgot Adam was sitting next to me.

"I don't know."

Clare's POV

"So are you feeling better now?" Alli asked. She been asking ever since she first looked at me this morning.

"Alli for the last time, I'm fine." Fine. More like… not good.

"Well I'm sorry I'm a little freaked. If it wasn't for Macarena, you'll... I don't know"

"Wait, who?" Macarena? It rings a bell but who is she.

"The girl who found you vomiting. She's in our grade." Really? Wow. Alli must have seen my face. "Hey, Macarena, Over here"

"What is it Alli?" Tone much?

"Clare this is Macarena. Macarena this is Clare." I looked at Macarena. She was wearing a purple, so that means she's in grade 10. She had her hair in a ponytail with side bangs. She doesn't look like a model but she was pretty.

"Yea, I know she's in my, math and gym class." From her voice she almost gave Alli 'like no duh'. But I didn't know.

"Um... you want to sit with us?"

"Sure whatever, my brothers being a dick" she has a brother? Damn.

"Who's your brother" I asked. I felt like Alli, like I have to know.

"Alex. He gets the normal name and I get the wired name from a drunk dad."

"Hottie Alex? Like the one in the 12th grade?" Oh Alli boy crazy as always.

"Yea. I always get that but come on he looks like… I don't know but come on how about Munro, he's hot and sweet."

"Yea right." Alli and Macarena keep on talking about boys and I day dreamed.

"_So Clare who are you crushing on?"_

"_KC" I don't want to keep that a secret. He's just so sweet and everything. And he's different from Darcy old boyfriends._

"_KC Guthrie? He's okay"_

I can't believe I liked him. I'm glad we broke up, he's so mean. But I might have the same taste in boys as Darcy. Oh gosh.

"How about you Baby Edwards?" NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

I'M NOT DARCY.

The bell rang. I have to get out of here.

I listen to the talk a little but it was fating. The last word I heard were "She LOVES Eli."

* * *

**Authors Note**

Yea i know i took forever to update. but ONE review! Come on, Your lucky i worte that first half on Monday because of the review but... Come on!

Anyways i blame school and all the homework they give me. Also i'm going to end the story before October 8th because i want to stick close to the story.

if i get more then 25 review i'll try to update on wensday or thursday

ps i have a tumblr and go on my page to follow!


	11. Clare?

Clare's POV

Do I truly love Eli? What is really love? I can't think about this now. It isn't important now…Right?

I walk down the hallways passing the picture of Darcy and her cheerleading awards. I remember KC and I whipping out her name because she left. I hated her so much back then. But now I will never be like her.

I bumped into someone. "Hey Baby Edwards watch out were your going." Oh no.

"Chantay, don't be so mean. She's just like her sister. Not really a baby any more. I can think of a lot of ways she's like Darcy." That was holly j. Oh gosh I am Darcy.

Sooner or later I'm going to get raped, killed or be a slut.

WHY! Why is everything like this? Why do I feel like word vomit is coming up? Am I really running away from my problems or am I going crazy?

I just… "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

Peter's POV

"When will I be starting?"

"Maybe next week Peter or should I say Mr. Stone?"

"No Peter is fine. I'm just happy I won't be work at The Dot for the rest of my life. Plus I can't believe spinner never thought of this"

"That's nice Peter. Well-"he was cut off

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Darcy.

"_YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Darcy. She finally broke. I should have been a better boyfriend. And now she's yelling at her parents about the rape. Oh Darcy. _

This wasn't Darcy, it was Clare. Her younger sister. Two sisters forever together.

I got up and ran outside before Mr. Simpson could have said anything else.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO" I saw Clare pulling out her hair having a mental breakdown. Clare seems like the kind of person who never has breakdowns. But she's an Edwards and they also do. Darcy had a lot of them. I have to make this right.

I ran up to her and grabbed her. I hugged her tightly but she kept on yelling and pushing me away. "Clare you have to calm down. It's okay I'm here." But that only made her cry more and more. Before, that would of calm Darcy down but it doesn't calm Clare down.

I picked her up and brought her to Mr. Simpson office.

Eli's POV

Are my eyes lying to me? What I just saw was one of the most scariest thing ever. I remember walking out of lunch and hearing a scream. Just like everyone else I ran to find out who was it. And just like everyone else I froze from shock to find out who was it.

Clare Edwards.

She yelled and started to say no, a lot.

But the think that truly broke my heart was when that 'Dot' guy came and hugged her and picked her up. _Wedding style_.

My life is over. I could have killed myself and she wouldn't even care. I have to leave. NOW.

I ran out the nearest door. Only to have Adam behind me.

"Eli! Dude, were you going?"

"I don't know and I don't care."

"Eli is this all because of Clare?" Fuck him

"You try having the love of your life live without you and see her in ours of someone else. Did you see her break down? I think, no wait, I'm sure it's because of me!" Without letting Adam say another word I left. Not giving a fuck anymore.

Clare's POV

"Peter can you tell me what just happened?" Because everything just went crazy. I all I remember was a blur and Mr. Simpson leaving.

"Clare you just had a mental Break down."

"What? _Mental?"_

"Clare, your Darcy's sister you have her blood and she have yours. You guys have some but not everything in command. You both had metal breakdowns." Darcy had metal breakdowns? This … is... Eye opening.

"When did Darcy have metal breakdowns?"

"She was always in denial Clare, she been having them after everything, the drama and more. You guys don't know how to get help when you need it." Was Peter telling the truth?

"Wait I want to know something. Why are you helping me?" This has been on the back on my mind and now I felt it needed to be said.

"I thought I liked you more than a friend."

"W-What?"

"Clare I'm only human and we do stupid stuff. When I get hurt anyway I try something else to cover it up, like… when Darcy left. I dated Mia but stilled talk to Darcy. And when time went on I could feel myself loving her more and more. But I feel that she'll never come back. Leaving me alone forever."

That was something. "Umm... Wow but one thing, how do I get played in the story?"

"Oh Clare I thought you were smart enough to figure this one out. Anyways. I was in bed thinking about Darcy and felt sad how she might never come back. Then I thought about you Clare. And how you and Darcy were so alike. The I might have moved on to you. Like I do when I'm sad/mad about something."

"oh" I looked down. This moment was awkward. But really awkward. We sat there in silence about 5 mintues until Peter broke it.

"Let me do you a favor and drive you home?"

"Umm… but how I'm going to pass the cops?"

"Clare, you 15 and in high school. They can and will let you out, trust me"

"Fine and thanks for the help"

Eli's POV

I hold the pills in my hand and a glass of water in my other hand. I know this will kill me. And I know no one else will care if I'm dead not even…

Clare.

_She will care you jackass. She was having a breakdown. She misses you, she loves you. __**(A/N this is a NOT a flash back)**_

Something in the back of my head said not to kill myself. I kept looking at the Pills. Another thought came to me.

_She been hurt before but not from me, if I die that will kill her._

*Beep, Beep* it was a text message… from Adam.

"_Hey, Jackass I now you WILL do something stupid. But listen to me. You know how that dude helped Clare and everything? Well, what I remember is that, when he said something to Clare, she only screamed louder until he had to pick her up. Just keep that in mind before you do something stupid like kill yourself."_

Oh Adam how you know me… but… I felt like I was re-born this moment.

Like I can breathe and see colors again. I just notice. I'm stupid and not being a true man and tell the girl I love, that I love her.

I put the pills away know what I will do tomorrow.

Clare's POV

Adam. Were in the world would I be without Adam. I totally forget about that essay we need to hand in to Ms. Dawes.

But what do I have to write about… Something that's get me pissed.

I got up from my bed and went to my computer. I turned it on only to find out I locked it. Stupid me.

Huh, I kind of forgot that I was looking at some photos. Some of me, Darcy and…

Peter.

Oh my. I have just found out what I'm going to write about. I owe Peter one for this.

* * *

Author's note.

well rememeber when i said Clare was going thorugh a little Darcy Stage... there it is. it's not my best but i tried, i have like 2 or three more chapters to go then i'm done,

Pluss remember Peter said "I THOUGHT"

Also more reveiws faster chapter comes!


	12. Stories

Clare's POV

"Clare wake up, you're going to be late for school." My mom told me.

I have must have forgotten to put my alarm clock. 7:35pm. Damn I'm going to be late.

I remember staying up all night thing about my essay and what Peter told me. Today is the day.

Eli's POV

I needed a drink. I'm not feeling like myself.

I paid for my coffee happy that it wasn't that 'Dot' guy. As I turned around I made a bumped into a women and her papers fell to the floor.

"I'm so sorry miss."

"No it's ok… What the hell?"

"Excuse me?" What is this woman doing? I think she came up as a little to rude.

"I'm sorry but your uniform just shocked me. When I went to Degrassi this never happened."

"Oh, yea this is a little my fault." I looked up to see the women's face. To my surprise she looked familiar. I remember her from the picture Jess made me look at but she looks like someone I know and it's killing not knowing who she looks like.

"Really? My damn sister doesn't tell me anything."

"Here let me help you with this." I helped her with the papers. I put them down near a table.

"Thank you. What's your name?"

"Eli, yours?"

"Darcy. But you might have already heard of me." Umm I pretty sure not. But her looks are killing me. She has browns eyes so it wasn't that. Most of it was her face, which is getting me a little crazy.

"Sorry no, didn't you say you had a sister? Um who is she maybe I know her" she laughed.

"My sister hates me that much. Well if she hates then I'm not telling you her name but I'll give you a hint. Before this uniform at Degrassi, she wore another uniform for a long time." when she said the word long, she stretched it out. But that person didn't ring a bell.

"Sorry no. But I'm might not meet her yet. I'm new to Degrassi, so yea."

"Oh, well I'll tell you her name, but to warn you, she's so me and-"she was cut off by a kiss. But not any kiss. It was from that 'dot' guy. I was shocked.

"Peter, I- I. Wow."

"Yea I know let's just say Clare helped me, kind of."

"Clare? My little goody good sister, Edwards?" What, what, MINDFUCK.

They must have known because peter looked at me and closed my jaw.

"I'm sorry dude but you're related to Clare Edwards?" I said looking to Darcy.

"Yup"

I turned around. Something to me felt wired.

I sat down nest to Adam in lunch.

"Did you know Clare had a sister?"

"No not really. You seem okay today? No killing yourself today?" Adam let out a small laugh. Adam was joking about it, but he didn't really know I was ABOUT to do it.

"Oh, well I saw her today. She seems nice but she was making about with the 'Dot' guy. He's name's Peter by the way."

"That's cool but why you're telling me? You just should be telling me if she hot or not and then we talk about your 'girl problems'"

"1. She kissed Peter, 2. She's hot but I like Clare better, and 3. She said that Clare and she are very much alike." I remember she kept on saying how she and Clare are so alike but what does that mean?

"Oh really? What's her name bay the way?" It started with a D but it's on the tip of my tongue.

"Darcy, Darcy Edwards." I didn't say that. I turned around to find out who was it.

To my surprise it was the girl I almost ran over. "Yea that was it. How did you know? Plus I'm Eli and you are…?"

"Macarena. Remember you almost ran me over?"

"Oh yea sorry about that." I can feel some guilt coming to me. But hey at least I didn't kill her.

"Nah, I was coming here to yell at you but then I heard your convo about Darcy Edwards. My older sister use to hang out with her at times" wow. Shocker.

"Wow, hey maybe to you know why Darcy said Clare was like her?" That question is something I want to know.

"Umm… not really. You can try asking her yourself. But Darcy was raped. Maybe that might help." W-what?

"What do you mean she was raped? And how do you know?" Adam asked not feeling a bit guilty.

"I found out from my sister but don't look at me, I'm not god, and I don't know everything" Adam and I stared at her. We were both speechless. This might have a small thing to the freak out she had yesterday.

"No one said you were. Anyways do you know where she is? I saw her this morning but I don't see her here." I guess Adam was doing most of the talking because I really didn't say anything.

"No, but I think she with Simpson because of what happened. Anyway Eli you have a dollar?"

"Why?"

"You almost ran me over and instead of me kicking you ass, you're paying for my lunch"

"Fine." I pulled out my wallet and gave her a five dollar bill.

Something is telling me today is going to be a wired day.

Clare's POV

Mr. Simpson wanted me to stay with him at lunch to make sure I was okay. But what I'm really scared of is how I'm going to tell my story for English. And what Eli's going to say. The good thing is we have English last period and its Friday.

"Today were going to have…. Clare Edwards speak."

Oh… if I wasn't Christian, I would have said some words I shouldn't have said.

"Um… Ok" was all I could of said.

I started to speck "Bullies. Most people think about this word as something that can't be hurtful or as another stupid word. But the truth is, there the world deadest things. It can start as making fun of someone then, at the end the worst can happen. They could die."

I can see all eyes on me. But one of the most shocks me. Eli's. He has his back straight. But his' eyes are somehow dark. Almost likes he's scared. But I kept on reading.

"Rick Murray. Was a bully being bullied. Everyone who went at Degrassi at the time thought he was long gone when he put a girl into a coma. But they were wrong. He came back. Then he got bullied. They even tried to kick him out of the school. He took the beatings. He took the name callings. Until one day he broke."

I took a pause. I see everyone's face more… wanted to know. Eli looked sacred.

"It was 2004. He came home to find that his parents weren't there. He also found his father's gun. He took it and went back to Degrassi. This became degrassi's scarcest time ever."

Every face in the room was still.

"He was walking up to one of Degrassi old students. Paige. She talked to him. She made things better. He rethought. After rethinking he went to the bathroom only to find two of the school's bully behind him, he started to hid."

"The bullies made up words. And only started to point fingers at one of their friends. He ended up being shot in the back. Lucky him, he wasn't dead."

More eyes were on me.

"He then went up to someone who rejected him. He put the gun to her head. Only to find a student named Sean, fight with him, with the gun. It went off."

I took another pause. I think I just saw a glisten on Eli's eye. I started to speak again.

"Rick was dead and Sean was only shot in the arm. That was degrassi's first school shooting."

"But there was another death at Degrassi because of bulling."

Eli looked more scared as ever. But I went on.

"School rivals can be as bad as bulling. On the night of an old Degrassi student's birthday. Something terrible happened. As walking to his car, JT York spotted a Lakehurst student peeing on his car. JT said something stupid. He shouldn't have done that because that Lakehurst student was drunk. The student's name was Drake. Drake turned around and walked away. But he had another thought. He turned around one more time and ran to JT. Pulling a knife out and stabbing him in the back. That had killed him."

I can hear Oh's, and can see some shocked faces. But then I started to read something I didn't really know how to say.

"Then we had the school lockdown. Started with some stupid bullying that shouldn't even have started. Came down at a near death thing. But this time the bully was smart. He didn't stab the kid. I will not say names but here's a hint. I was there in the lockdown. It was one of the reasons that I had that breakdown yesterday. The smallest things in the world can give you breakdowns isn't-"

I was cut off the bell started to ring. I went back to my desk to get my things and talk to Eli. But once I was near. He ran.

* * *

**Author's note:**

**WHAT THE FUCK?**

**only one! review? come on guys you can do better then that!**

**uhhh anyways the next chapter is going to be that last. but you might not see it untill friday afternoon if i don't get some damn reveiws you pricks.**

**Plus. this is soo not my best work**


	13. Eli and Clare, Love You Forever

Eli's POV

I'm more shocked then scared. Everything Clare has said might have been the reason why she broke up with me. I ran out of the room before she could have said anything else.

I feel stupid. Cutting myself. Now knowing that if Clare really knew that I did it, she'll dump my ass more than anything. But maybe she's been through bad stuff like me.

"Eli? Eli? Where are you?" It was Clare. Hearing her say my name is one of the best things that I ever heard. I truly love her.

"There you are Eli. I've been looking all over for you." Damn it.

"Um... Hi Clare."

"Hey. I think we need to talk." The worst line ever someone you love can say.

"Sure" I whispered out.

For the nest 5 minutes, I think Clare was thinking about what she could have said next. If I was any one else I could have gotten bored but I'm in love with this girl so looking her in the eyes made my day.

But then Clare started to talk. "Eli can I have a hug?"

Wired question but whatever. "Um... sure thing Clare"

I brought mine arms bigger and wrapped them around her. This was heaven. Maybe I did kill myself. But me being like this made me so happy.

Next thing I know I started to cry.

I'm not supposed to cry. I'm a Goldsworthy. We don't cry.

"It's okay Eli. I'm here and I won't ever leave you again."

That did it. I started to sob. But this felt wired. I started to cry about everything. To the time when Julia dead, then when Clare left me. And to the time I started to cut myself. And to now.

What felt like forever, I started too stopped. Then I let go of Clare and then I saw that her face was wet.

"Did- did I do this to you?"

"Eli-"I cut her off.

"Clare why are you with me? You should you be running home or something. I'm the cause of everything. And mostly the reason you had the breakdown." I looked into her Eyes I wanted to say "I love You" but that can't happened. I'm the pain to her life.

"Eli, I love you"

This was the first time I heard those words from her mouth. It seems like nothing in the world can break us.

"I love you too, Clare"

Then I kissed her. I regret nothing.

I brought Clare to Morty. We are only really just hanging out in the car. But that's good enough for me.

"Eli I have to tell you everything." What does she has to tell. The pass is behind us and I love her. Nothing will change that. Nor anything will.

"Silly Clare, you have nothing to explain. The pass is gone and now we wait until forever."

"Eli-"she puts a hand on my arm. Then she feels it.

Clare's POV

I can' believe it. What I felt, I thought I'll never feel it again.

His arm was a little bumpy. I looked down at the he sleeve. There was a red spot. It looked like ketchup. But it didn't feel like it.

"Clare, are you alright?"

I feel like history is repeating it's self. I decided to do what's right. I pulled up the sleeve.

I felt a tear come down my eye. I saw Eli froze, looking at what I just done.

I put my head into his chest and started to cry there. I did this to him. I made he's life a living hell.

"Clare, why are you crying?"

"I-I did this to you." More tears feel out.

Eli moved my head. Now I'm looking at his face and he's looking into my eyes.

"Clare you didn't. First of all, I thought I was making your life hell. If I was making yours hell, I was going to make mine hell."

Some more tears came out. "But Eli, cutting yourself doesn't do you any good. Hurting yourself doesn't make me or you happy. Please never do it again."

"I, Elijah Goldsworthy will never cut myself again." He swore.

Hearing those words made me happy. But I cried a little more.

"Clare, what did I do wrong? I'll make it better"

"It's not you Eli. I-I kind of feel that history is repeating itself."

"How?"

"Eli, I have an older sister." Thinking about what happened to Darcy, made me die a little inside.

"Yes, go on"

"Well, she tried to commit suicide. But she failed. She cut her wrists, but an old friend of her's saved her. Thinking about her leaving this world made me freak out, bad. Then thinking about you leaving this world too, will me be more like my sister… suicidal."

I hoped I didn't scare Eli; I love him too much for him living me.

"Clare. I never knew. Cutting myself was my escape of this world. I don't want to leave, you I love you too much."

Now I know why Eli was scared when I read the sorry. I was talking about him, in a wired why. But this moment here is the best ever.

"Clare, what would you do if I said, Darcy's here in Canada?"  
WHAT?

"Wait, what? How do you know my sister's name is Darcy?" Was he stalking me?

"Let's just say I bumped into her, and she talked about you"

"Really?" I didn't know she was here.

"I think she's at The Dot"

"We can go later but know I want to stay with you Eli"

I want to stay with him forever. And more than that.

"I Love you, Clare. Now the past is behind us and nothing will ever be the same."

"I Love you Eli. And your right nothing will ever be the same."

* * *

**Author's note:** I'M DONE

yes this is the end of the story.

i ended it because degrassi started back up again. so really you guys will already know what happens after vegas night.

Plus did you see the much music Promo for ELI!

omg i sooo wish that was on TeenNick -_-

buuuttt noooo

FUCK

anyways i hoped you liked it


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